Proverbs 17

Lesson 17 of 28

E. OTHER PEOPLE

We have considered many proverbs which repeat in the second part what was said in the first, but a little differently. These proverbs were about the tongue, the heart and the Lord. The next group concerns our relations with other people. This is very important because we are trying to help others come to Christ, so we must treat them wisely. The Book of Proverbs helps us by showing us the will of God.

31. Father and mother
32. Friends
33. Husbands and wives
34. Servants
35. Neighbours
36. Judges and rulers
37. Poor people

31. FATHER AND MOTHER

In Proverbs chapters 1 through 9, we often read the words of wise King Solomon to his children:-

Proverbs 1.8 - My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:

Proverbs 1.10 - My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.

Proverbs 1.12 - Let us swallow them up alive as the grave; and whole, as those that go down into the pit:

Proverbs 2.1 - My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee;

Proverbs 3.1 - My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:

Proverbs 3.11 - My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction:

Proverbs 3.21 - My son, let not them depart from thine eyes: keep sound wisdom and discretion:

Proverbs 4.10 - Hear, O my son, and receive my sayings; and the years of thy life shall be many.

Proverbs 4.20 - My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.

Proverbs 5.1 - My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding:

Proverbs 5.20 - And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?

Proverbs 6.1 - My son, if thou be surety for thy friend, if thou hast stricken thy hand with a stranger,

Proverbs 6.20 - My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:

Proverbs 7.1 - My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee.

Here we have eighteen proverbs dealing with the relation of parents and children.

1. How to bring up your children

Proverbs 22.6 - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. - This is a general rule and command of God to parents. We have seen proverbs about the way of life in these lessons, and we must teach our children the Word of God, Exodus 13.14-15 - And it shall be when thy son asketh thee in time to come, saying, what is this? that thou shalt say unto him, By strength of hand the Lord brought us out from Egypt, from the house of bondage: And it came to pass, when Pharaoh would hardly let us go, that the Lord slew all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man, and the firstborn of beast: therefore I sacrifice to the Lord all that openeth the matrix, being ma les; but all the firstborn of my children I redeem. We should also pray for our children because the world is very evil. Some parents have tried to teach their children the right way, but the children have gone off with evil friends.

Proverbs 23.13-14 - Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Today some people say we should never spank a child. There are other ways of punishing a child, and we should use wise discipline if they do wrong. It is better to punish a child than to have him or her grow up unsaved. Parents need God's wisdom to help them be kind, wise and firm.

Proverbs 19.18 - Chasten thy son w hile there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. You should start training a child while he is very young, but remember he is only a child and you should not be too rough, Proverbs 22.15 - Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 29.15-17 - The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. When the wicked are multiplied, transgression increaseth: but the righteous shall see their fall. Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. You can teach child wisdom by proper punishment. A child left to himself will stay foolish, and his mother will naturally be ashamed of him and of herself for not taking better care of her child. It is hard to punish a child, but later you will be glad you did, and so will he. A child who obeys makes his father happy.

Proverbs 23.22 - Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old. This is God's command to children. Your father and mother brought you into the world, and it is usually right that you should obey them, Proverbs 13.1 - A wise son heareth his father's instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke, but not always, Acts 5.29 - Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men. In some countries young people just laugh at their parents, and especially their mothers. This is not right in God's sight.

2. Children who cause sorrow

Children should thank God if they have Christian parents, and should obey them. Those who don’t will be very sorry.

Proverbs 17.21- He that begetteth a fool doeth it to his sorrow: and the father of a fool hath no joy.

Proverbs 17.25 - A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him.

Fools make everybody sad, but especially their own parents. A father may have only one son; if there are more, he has great hopes for all of them. He may spend money on their education. He will be very sorry if one turns out to be a fool. The same is true of his mother also.

Proverbs 19.13 - A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. A foolish son may spend his father’s money, Luke 15.30 - But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf, and bring him to ruin. A good wife can really help her husband when he has trouble. Some women like to quarrel and they keep talking all day long. They are like a long rainy day when the rain keeps on falling and never seems to stop. These women just add to their husband’s troubles, they are no help.

Proverbs 19.26 - He that wasteth his father, and chaseth away his mother, is a son that causeth shame, and bringeth reproach. This proverb is about a son who does not treat his father properly, and actually drives his mother out of the house. His parents would be very much ashamed of him, and rightly so.

Proverbs 20.20 - Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness. A son might become so angry with his parents that he would call on God to curse them. He would be punished with death under the laws of Israel, Leviticus 20.9 - For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him. His life would be taken and he would go to the place of outer darkness, the place of sorrow and anger, Matthew 22.13 - Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Proverbs 28.24 - Whoso robbeth his father or his mother, and saith, It is no transgression; the same is the companion of a destroyer. Some people steal from their parents and excuse themselves by saying, “It will all be mine someday and I need it now,” God said we must not steal, Exodus 20.15 - Thou shalt not steal, 1 Corinthians 6.10 - Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. Those who rob parents are in the same company as evil men, and will suffer the same punishment. The Lord Jesus said we should honour our father and mother, -

Matthew 15.4-6 - For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.

3. Children who bring joy

Proverbs 29.3 - Whoso loveth wisdom rejoiceth his father: but he that keepeth company with harlots spendeth his substance. A wise son makes his father happy. This is the opposite to the one who lives with bad women and wastes his father’s money.

Proverbs 23.15-16 - My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine. Yea, my reins shall rejoice, when thy lips speak right things. The wise man said the son with wisdom will be happy in his heart and will also make his father happy. The wise son will say the right thing and his father will be happier still.

Proverbs 23.24-25 - The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. 25 Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice. Any father would be glad if his son is either righteous or wise, but in the Book of Proverbs these two things go together. Wisdom brings righteousness. Of course the mother will also be very glad. In verse 25 - Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice the wise man is speaking to the son, perhaps his own son.

Proverbs 27.11 - My son, be wise, and make my heart glad, that I may answer him that reproacheth me. Solomon also speaks again to one of his sons or to all of them. He would have an answer to anyone who spoke against him if his son was acting wisely.

Proverbs 20.7 - The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him. Here we see that fathers are also responsible. Children watch their fathers and very often follow their example, good or bad. God’s blessing extends to the children if they too live a righteous life.

Proverbs 17.6 - Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers. Older men should be proud of their grandchildren and children should be proud of their fathers. So good fathers make their children happy, and wise sons give their fathers great joy.

32. FRIENDS

Here we have five proverbs telling us how to act in relation to our friends.
Proverbs 27.9 - Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. Some flowers and plants smell very nice and men can make oil from them which have the same odour. This is just a picture of the pleasure you can have from listening to the good advice of a true friend. This verse is sometimes translated differently, and taken so that it would be a warning that trouble may come and spoil their pleasure.

Proverbs 27.17 - Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Iron is useful for many purposes, but for cutting it must be sharp. You can sharpen a sword or plough by rubbing it with another piece of iron, Ecclesiastes 10.10 - the iron be blunt, and he do not whet the edge, then must he put to more strength: but wisdom is profitable to direct; 1 Samuel 13.19-21 - Now there was no smith found throughout all the land of Israel: for the Philistines said, Lest the Hebrews make them swords or spears: But all the Israelites went down to the Philistines, to sharpen every man his share, and his coulter, and his axe, and his mattock. Yet they had a file for the mattocks, and for the coulters, and for the forks, and for the axes, and to sharpen the goads. This is like two friends talking together face to face. Each one makes the other a little happier.

Proverbs 17.17 - A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. A true friend will love you even when you are in trouble. So will a loving brother or sister. Job felt that his family and his friends had all turned against him, and this hurt him more than being sick, Job 19.13-14 - He hath put my brethren far from me, and mine acquaintance are verily estranged from me. My kinsfolk have failed, and my familiar friends have forgotten me.

Proverbs 27.10 - Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother's house in the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off. We should remain loyal, true and faithful to our friends, and also to friends of the family. We must help them in time of trouble if we expect their help when we need them. Your own family may be far away or they may not love you, if they are not Christians. Then it is good to have a brother in the Lord who can show you real love, Galatians 6.10 - As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

Proverbs 18.24 - A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Only love can make other people love you. You must be truly friendly in order to have others as your friends. You know that many people only pretend to be friendly, and they are really trying to get something from you. Some people seem to have many friends, but they all leave when trouble comes.

We should be careful not to listen to those who try to tell us lies about our friends, Proverbs 16.28 - froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends. We may begin to think they are not true friends after all. But we can thank God for true friends who love us even more than our own brothers. Most of all, praise the Lord for Christ our Saviour. He calls us friends (we call Him Lord), -

John 13.13 - Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am; John 15.15 - Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you; Hebrews 13.5 - Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

33. HUSBANDS AND WIVES

Seven proverbs speak about husbands who have good or bad wives. In Proverbs 31:10-31 - Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates, - we read more about a very good wife, and the Song of Solomon tells us about the Bride and the Bridegroom.

The New Testament shows us what husbands and wives should do,

1 Corinthians 7.3-5 - Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

Ephesians 5.2-33 - And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience. Be not ye therefore partakers with them. For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light. Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Colossians 3.18-19 - Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Titus 2.4-5 - That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

1 Peter 3.1-7 - Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Proverbs 18.22 - Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. A young man should ask the Lord for wisdom and guidance in looking for a wife. A Christian should marry another Christian, 1 Corinthians 7.39 - The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord;

2 Corinthians 6.14 - Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? - and then should thank the Lord for a believing wife.

Proverbs 19.14 - House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord. Your father may leave his money to you when he dies, but only the Lord can give you a wise wife. You may get rich by working hard, but money cannot buy a good wife, she is a gift from God.

Proverbs 12.4 - A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. A good wife is an honour to her husband, Proverbs 31.23 - Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land; and he is proud of her. He would be ashamed of a bad wife, she makes him feel badly all the time like a disease in his bones. He wishes he had never married her but he must stay with her and keep her as his wife, 1 Corinthians 7.12 - to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

Proverbs 21.9 - It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Some women are always unhappy and keep on quarrelling with their husbands over littlethings. It might be better for him to find a quiet spot and leave her alone for a while. This proverb is written down again by Hezekiah’s men in Proverbs 25.24 - It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.

Proverbs 21.19 - It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Sometimes it would be better to live alone in a different place than at home with an angry wife. However, a Christian husband should ask himself, What made her angry? Men get angry too, Proverbs 12.16 - A fool's wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame; Proverbs 17.25 - A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him; Proverbs 27.3 - A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty; but a fool's wrath is heavier than them both.

Husband and wife often have quarrels, but they should pray together and forgive one another. Sometimes the elders of the assembly can help bring back peace in a home. God wants man and wife to live together without fighting and to serve the Lord together.

Proverbs 27.15-16 - A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself. However, some women keep on complaining all day long. They seem to be like the rain that continues to fall and never seems to stop. It is impossible to keep them from talking, like trying to stop the wind from blowing. BUT prayer changes things. Paul asked two Christians in the assembly at Philippi to stop their quarrelling, Philippians 4.2 - I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord. True Christians must obey the Word of God.